Confessions of a Weak Minister

It’s not hard to love the gifted ball player, unless you happen to play 2nd string on his team.

It’s not hard to love the talented violinist, unless you happen to be second chair.

It’s not hard to love the brilliant academic, unless you are her dyslexic sister.

It’s hard to love gifted people we are being compared to, until we recognize that we don’t have to be them.

What the performance reviewers tell us is true: having a high bar will encourage us to perform to higher standard. Such is the wisdom of performance reviewers (even the imaginary ones). They are concerned about performance; the emotional stability of the recipient is a secondary issue. So, they overlook the fact that such standard setting only makes the pursuit of the standard more disheartening.

The impact of comparing ourselves with others or being compared to others is crippling. It is crippling not only to our own growth and effectiveness—but it cripples the church as well.

From my earliest experiences with ministry, I felt the burden of not measuring up to my colleagues in the ministry. It probably began when I was given the opportunity to intern in a medium size church along with 20 or so other gifted men who were also training for the ministry. There were limited ministry positions which inevitably created a competitive atmosphere, exacerbating a latent insecurity.

The nature of the internship put every ministry decision under the microscope; every weakness was scrutinized. It also opened the opportunity for everybody to weigh in on my suitability for ministry and gave them the opportunity to serve as personal performance reviewers. There was never a consensus regarding the results. Some assured me that I was certainly “called” to the ministry, and many other credible critics suggested I wasn’t (usually with a comparison to some other successful minister).

For years I felt awkward when introduced to other pastors. Early on it was even difficult for me to listen to other preachers without comparing myself to them. I would constantly ask: What do they do that I don’t? What do I do that prevents me from being like them? My take-aways: If only I was more bold….; If only I was more intelligent….; If only I was more articulate….; If only I was more extroverted….

I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong by constantly seeking to improve, but my expectation might have been a bit too high for myself.

3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned (Rom 12:3).

Do I really need to have authority of Macarthur, the tenderness of Tripp, the passion of Piper, and the wit of Wilson in order to be faithful in what God has called me to?

I share all this to emphasizes that what had previously been a threat has now become my joy. What joy there is in simply accepting I am who I am. But the real joy that I have discovered is not in simply being okay with my weaknesses (as relieving as that can be). Rather, it is in recognizing what wonderful gifts I have been given in being a part of the body of Christ. What once has intimidated me has brought security. I don’t have to be D.A. Carson because the church already has him. or R.C. Sproul, Al Mohler, Abner Chou, or Russell Moore. I don’t even need to be like them because we already have them. I have them!

21 So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, 22 whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours (1 Cor 3:21-22).

I am so glad I don’t have to bear the burdens they bear because of their accomplishments and gifts. If I did what they did, I would burn out in a week. I am so thankful that I am not the only person defending the world against false teachers. Any reasonably intelligent false teacher could out argue me in a heated conversation. I am also not very good at small talk which makes it difficult to speak with strangers. If evangelism were all up to me, the Great Commission might take a million millennia to get accomplished. This recognition has also allowed me to embrace my imaginary critics who want me to be such men, or at least compare me to them. With what joy I can agree with them—they are right! I am not them! Praise God I am not them!

It’s not just me though

I also share my insecurity to bring peace to others who daily feel the burden of their own insecurities. This is a concern because it not only prevents us from appreciating the varied gifts of the members of the body, but because it can lead us to be threatened by them. (Ironically, the people we need the most are the ones we feel most threatened by). In other ministries and churches, I regularly saw progress get stifled because the team members did not trust one another. I believe the underlying reason had less to do with trustworthiness of the ministers and more to do with confusion that resulted from differences in personality and giftedness.

Here is an imaginary conversation of a ministry team discussing how it can improve:

“This ministry would be more effective, if we were more friendly,” says the friendly guy. All the while everyone else is thinking, “Oh no, I hope this doesn’t mean we are all going to be required to take shifts greeting newcomers.”

The secretary responds, “Well I think that we should be more organized so that we can actually function.” The others think, “Oh no, here comes the petition to schedule more meetings.”

The charismatic extravert pipes up, “I think we need to be more bold in our evangelism. Are we going to be outdone by a bunch of JW’s?” The others think, “Oh no, not canvassing neighborhoods again!”

Inevitably, we will express our personal aversions to others’ assertive suggestions with strong defensiveness. We think, “That guy is trying to push an agenda. I need to stop him somehow.” What I have discovered however is that it is far more likely that these passionate people are simply trying to love others better. Often the reason for our lack of trust towards one another is simply because we recognize that we would not speak or act like the other person did unless some sinful motive was involved. But the truth is that Johnny was not trying to be a jerk when he overtly disagreed with George’s position. His frankness was a sincere attempt to love his friend. Jimmy was not being a coward because he was reluctant to disagree. Rather his lack of speaking up was due to the fact that he valued the relationship so much that he wanted to make sure the common ground well established first. He did not want the relationship to be destroyed when the disagreement was exposed.

Just because a person does or says something you would not do, does not mean that they are in sin. Even if saying or doing those things would have indicated that you were in sin. There is grave danger is assigning motivations. Sin is usually clear cut: lying, stealing, cheating, adultery. Yes, we can sin without an overt action. I am not denying that. But we cannot assume motives simply by comparing another person’s actions with our own.

This is readily recognized on a macro level—cultures express themselves differently: Germans are cold, Latinos are passionate, and Hawaiians are laid-back (forgive the stereotypes). But the same is true in individual people—different personalities and gifts express themselves differently. But this does not mean people are sinful in doing so.

As Christians serving in the church, we need to study one another better in order to interpret one another’s actions on the basis of who they are, not on the basis of who we are, or what we think they should be. When we accept one another as is, we enable ourselves to truly delight in our differences. Others are that way, so we don’t need to be.

So, if you find yourself feeling insecure around other believers, ask yourself if you trying to be them. Or if you find yourself concerned about another’s sinful motives, ask yourself if you are imagining that they are you. And, if you find yourself angry at other people’s incompetence in something that seems simple and obvious, also ask yourself if you are imagining that they are you.

It is for okay for believers to want to be like other believers. But we should be careful. When Paul encourages believers to follow the example of others (1 Cor 11:1, 1 Pet 5:3, Titus 2, 2 Tim 2) he is not suggesting that they be like them in every way—but that their lives would reflect the biblical values of a mature believer. The aim is that as the various members grow in maturity and work according to their gifts, they will reflect the person of Christ as a whole.

when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Eph 4:16)

This is what is so wonderful about being a member of the body of Christ—you don’t have to be Christ; you just have to be yourself. You also don’t have to be eye if you’re not good at seeing. It’s okay to be a heart; it is important too.

When we embrace our weaknesses and avoid being threatened by the strengths of the other members’ three things are accomplished: